Oh Canada!

With Ans on the other side of the world, I have to find ways of amusing myself that does not involve video games. This past weekend, I visited our Neighbor to the North. Every year or so, one of my college friends invites a bunch of people to her lake house in Ontario, Canada. Actually, "lake house" is a misnomer as it really is an entire island stocked with everything you would need to "rough it" comfortably. There's very little tech on the island, except for a satellite dish for TV that never really gets watched so you have the luxury of being cut off from the fast lane and are free to spend that time stuffing your face and getting drunk. That said, here is a list of things that are quintessential to an Island Visit:

• Chop wood- This is usually one of the first things I do on the island. I don't know what it is about swinging an axe and splitting a log in twain that is so freakin' satisfying, but it's addictive. We had a mini-Lumberjack Games this weekend that included events like: "Throw An Axe into a Log" and "Split that Log" a "Name that Tune" kind of game where you wagered how many strokes it would take for you to "Split that Log." I could have done this all weekend. It's about getting in touch with my inner woodsman. And making numerous bad 'log' and 'wood' puns.
  
• Fire- This naturally goes with the woodchopping. This trip I spent a lot of time making fire and taking pictures of fire while it rained one afternoon. I'm a bit of a pyro, I guess. I suppose I didn't get to burn enough things when I was younger. Plus I love toasted marshmallows. Fire also adds new dimensions to the adolescent puns as 'hot' and 'burning' are added to the repertoire.
  
• Strategy Board Games That Last Forever-Risk and Monopoly is for wussies. We play games I had never heard of before, like Aquire and Settlers of Catan. These are not games for the feeble-minded and weak-willed. We played a rousing game of Settlers during a storm this weekend, which I kicked ass in by the way. For those who don't know, the game revolves around exploration, development and managing resources like wood, ore, and sheep. Thus, there were many opportunities for "who's got wood?," "give me your dirty ores," and various sheep/shit jokes.
  
• Water Sports- I'm talking about lake activities, not getting pissed on. Being on an island with all sorts of boats gives us the chance to sail or kayak around. They also have a speedboat that can be used to go water skiing, or in my case, pull your groin and make you inhale water while being dragged at 30 miles an hour. One day I will stand up, I fucking swear.
• Jump off a big rock- Usually I'll kayak to Rock Island which is this giant boulder in the middle of the lake. There's a spot that's about 20 feet or so from the water's surface where you can take a running jump off of. I have jumped about 10 times over the course of 3 or 4 visits, but every time it scares the bejesus out of me. I didn't do it this time because of a bum ankle, but I'm sure the next time I try, I will be perched at the top, peering down, and crying.
• Girls on Trampolines- when I'm too much of a wuss to go to the rock, I can always hang out on the floating trampoline near the shore. It's a great place to sun or play dumb games like King of the Mountain and Diving Frisbee catch. Plus, girls on trampolines!
• Outdoor shower- just something about being naked outside is cool. Unless it's really cold. You know, shrinkage.
• Ankle Biters- Canadian mosquitoes are huge. I swear they have antlers. Not a good thing, but a part of the experience. Also a drawback to being naked outside.
• Stuffing of the Face- Next time I will do some calculations. (Weight before trip - weight after trip) / days on island = YOU ARE FAT
  
• Cheese Curd- It's cheese that I have only seen in southern Ontario. It is good and it squeaks when you eat it.
  
• Cheesy bread egg in a hole- Invented by Ans and I during our last trip. Cheesy bread is another heavenly concoction that is essentially a round pastry with melted cheddar. The only way to make this better is to cut a whole in the middle and fry and egg in it. Freakin' brilliant.
• Getting drunk off some new cocktail- I don't even remember what we came up with in previous trips, but this year we had Grown-Up Sodas and Grown-Up Chocolate Milk.
  
• Seven Hour Drive of MA and NY- Sometimes it's good, sometimes its bad. Ans and I got into our first fight on the way up to Canada last trip. This time, I saw two cows get freaky on the side of the road. Nice.