To whomever it may concern...

Dear Gmail,

I know you are oh so popular now and that everyone I know has a gmail account (except for my mother, but she also still uses a dial up connection), but you know what else is popular? My name, apparently. First and last and the combination thereof. I'm hoping that you can find a way to differentiate between first.last; firstlast; last.first; and lastfirst. There are many people out there with my name or the reverse and I have to say it is interesting reading about what is going on in their lives, but really, I don't care about the potential merger of GSA with TYSA, or if little Timmy is going to get cut from next fall's soccer team because of it, but you bet your ass Donna and every other parent on that listserv is going to have something to say about it. I'm also not an African American male basketball player, or the director of confidential files at a city hospital. Tammy is pregnant! Mr. Johnson's colonoscopy pictures were lovely and from what I can tell, he's going to be just fine. But, again, what do I know? Only that my email address is similar to many others', and that I try to kindly let them know that I won't be voting at tonight's TYSA meeting, and that I'm not so sure HIPAA would approve of my viewing of someone else's anus.

Please help.
Best,
Ans