Monday, February 11, 2008

Choose Your Adventure

As you enter the Cave of Wonders, an Enchanter magically appears in a puff of smoke and flame.
"Halt!" he says. "Who goes there?"
You stare agape in amazement. As you check your underpants for soilage, you ask, "Who are you who can summon fire without flint nor tinder?"
He replies, "Some call me...Tim?"
"Greetings," you say, "Tim the Enchanter."
"The path before you splits and I present to you two choices, " Tim replies, randomly punctuating with unecessary explosions. "Behind this door is six months of abstinence and a free 50 inch plasma TV and the other is six months of intermittent intercourse and no free television. Choose your path wisely!"

To choose BigTV+ no nookie, turn to page 68.
To choose No free TV+ booty, turn to page 69.

According to this article (found via gizmodo), 47% of British men turned to page 68. In other news, a freak accident caused 89% of British women to be exposed to gamma rays. They now look like this or this. Since British men are too busy watching TV, the women are pretty hard up for sex. And hey, 11% of Brit females still look like this, so get them while they're hot.

I don't understand how this statistic is possible. Did they survey only old, married dudes? Are 47% of British men socially-awkward virgins? I mean, in the past, my game would be off, and I'd spend my fair share of time in the desert. At that point, I suppose 6 months wouldn't be so bad, since it's already been a while. Might as well get something out of the dry spell, right?

And what are the conditions of this deal? Do you get to have sex after you get the TV and is that sex guaranteed? Low end 50inch plasmas are like $2000. I suppose you could take the TV, redirect money you would have spent, and blow it on a high-class prostitute.

Plus a 50 inch screen isn't really that big. But size doesn't really matter, right? Right?

In other Overcompensation news, someone is trying to make the push for this years Darwin Award (via gizmodo). This has been done before. Doesn't anyone have an original idea anymore? (asks the guy with a blog filled with recycled material from other blogs)

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